Mother heartbroken after burying child next to her husband at funeral

‘Walking behind two coffins was devastating’: Mother who cared for her severely disabled daughter describes heartbreak of burying her child next to her father at joint funeral – after they died six days apart

• Alice Palmer, 68, lost her daughter Beth, 20, and husband John six days apart
• Beth was severely disabled with cerebral palsy and John died of liver cancer
• The heartbroken mother had to organise a double funeral for Beth and John 

A devastated mother who cared for her severely disabled daughter has described her heartbreak at burying her child and husband at their joint funeral – after they died six days apart. 

Alice Palmer, 68, was a lifetime carer for her daughter Beth, 20, who suffered with cerebral palsy, scoliosis, blindness and epilepsy.

The mother’s world was turned upside down when her husband John, 61, was diagnosed with liver cancer in March 2019.

At the same time, Beth’s health began to decline – with Ms Palmer spending her days visiting them both in separate hospitals.

Ms Palmer received the news that Beth died on August 26, and just six days later John passed away too.

Devastated mother Alice Palmer, 68, who cared for her severely disabled daughter, has described her heartbreak at burying her child and her husband at their joint funeral – after they died six days apart

Ms Palmer was a lifetime carer for her daughter Beth, 20 (left), who suffered with cerebral palsy, scoliosis, blindness and epilepsy. Ms Palmer’s husband John, 61 (right), was diagnosed with liver cancer and died six days after Beth

The heartbroken mother had to organise a double funeral for Beth and John, with their coffins lying side by side.

Ms Palmer’s daughter Beth was starved of oxygen at birth, and had quadriplegic cerebral palsy, scoliosis, blindness and epilepsy as a result.

Ms Palmer was Beth’s carer for her whole life and the mother-daughter duo were very close.

In March 2019, her husband John was diagnosed with liver cancer after experiencing pain in his ribcage. 

Beth’s condition worsened after she woke up in pain and ended up in intensive care.

John’s cancer was deemed terminal around the same time and by August he had been moved to a local hospice to live out his final days.

Ms Palmer spent weeks travelling between Beth’s intensive care ward and John’s hospice to support them both at the same time.

But she got a devastating phone call on August 26, 2019, revealing her daughter had passed away at the age of 20. 

Ms Palmer’s daughter Beth was starved of oxygen at birth and had quadriplegic cerebral palsy, scoliosis, blindness and epilepsy as a result

Ms Palmer was Beth’s carer for her whole life and the mother-daughter duo were very close

Ms Palmer said: ‘I was expecting the news, but when it came I still didn’t quite believe it.

‘I wished I had been there with her, I was 10 minutes away because I had just visited John at the hospice.

‘I didn’t want to tell John because he was so ill, but eventually we had to tell him.’

Things only got worse for the heartbroken mum as just six days later, on September 1, she discovered John had passed away as well.

Ms Palmer planned a joint funeral for John and Beth – with a pink coffin for Beth and a traditional one for John, side by side.

Ms Palmer made sure that Beth wore a beautiful dress for the funeral so she could look like Audrey Hepburn.

Ms Palmer said: ‘I think having to organise the double funeral was the worst, it was so sad.

‘Then at the funeral, walking behind the two coffins in the church, it was devastating.’

Ms Palmer has since remarried Lee Palmer – who lost his wife, Michelle, 59, in 2019 of a sudden heart attack after losing his son Joe, 17, in 2013 to sepsis

She married Lee, a painter and decorator, in March 2022 after they began speaking as friends because they shared similar experiences

Ms Palmer was so traumatised she could not sleep at home for months, staying with sisters because the house felt so empty.

One of the ways she dealt with the grief was by joining a website for widows and widowers to support each other through their losses.

That was when she first spoke to Lee – who lost his wife, Michelle, 59, in 2019 of a sudden heart attack after losing his son Joe, 17, in 2013 to sepsis.

Nearly three years on, Ms Palmer has remarried – after meeting her new husband, Lee Palmer on a support site to connect grieving widows and widowers.

She married Lee, a painter and decorator, in March 2022 after they began speaking as friends because they shared similar experiences.

Just like Ms Palmer, Lee had lost a child and his wife – and their relationship bloomed as they supported one another through their traumas.

Ms Palmer, from Anfield, Liverpool, said: ‘When Beth and John died, I was devastated.

The mother’s world was turned upside down when her husband John, 61, was diagnosed with liver cancer in March 2019 

‘I never thought I would find love again, I just felt a deep sadness and loneliness like there was nobody I could feel close to.

‘Going back into dating, I was very wary after what I had been through – the fear of losing them and being hurt again.

‘But we have both been through it – we both have doubts sometimes but it is a relief and a comfort to love and be loved again.

‘You have to learn to live with the loss otherwise it eats away at you – it’s not easy, but you have to move on.

‘I personally feel sorry when people just don’t find new love – you only get one life and you have to make the most of it.’

Lee said: ‘You’re not supposed to lose your kids before you die, it’s not supposed to happen.

‘After I lost Joe and Michelle, I realised none of my close friends or family had lost anyone in that way and it was hard.

‘When I decided to join that group it felt good to speak to other people who had also lost their children and partners.

‘After speaking to Alice online for a while, I thought ‘I like this woman, I like her a lot’, and I wanted to meet her.

‘I never went on the group looking for romance but there was just something about her.

‘When we met, we just clicked.

Ms Palmer has remarried – after meeting her new husband, Lee Palmer on a support site to connect grieving widows and widowers

‘Now we’re married and it’s nice to feel alive again.

‘I spent nine or ten months on my own, and now I have someone to look forward to when I get home from work.’

Lee, from Colchester, Essex, and Ms Palmer bonded over their mutual losses, after starting to chat in January 2020.

They spoke initially as friends – but eventually they suspected they might have a deeper connection.

Ms Palmer said: ‘Similar experiences brought us together, but we had to meet in person to see if there was a spark there.’

They met up for the first time in June 2020 – and sparks flew as they spent a weekend together.

Ms Palmer said: ‘I was very wary going back into dating, but I didn’t want to be alone all the time.

‘Both having lost spouses, it was a question of trusting each other that you won’t get hurt again.

‘I’m a very needy person – I wanted to be loved again after everything.’

In January 2021, Lee moved up to Liverpool to live with Ms Palmer, and the pair married on March 22, 2022.

Ms Palmer said she wore an emblem of Beth on her dress, while Lee wore one of Joe on his lapel.

Despite Beth and Joe not being there to celebrate, Ms Palmer said it was a ‘happy day’ for them both – and next month they celebrate one year of marriage.

‘You have to rebuild,’ she said.

‘We both saw on that widow site, a lot of people who give up hope of ever being happy again.

‘Some people just wait to die, it seems. And that’s such a waste.

‘In my view, you have to learn to live with your loss otherwise it eats away at you. You have to move on.

‘You have to make the most of your life because you only get one.’

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